Salad dodging: E coli strikes Greencore sandwiches

LONDON: In the latest edition of our great salad dodging saga, most supermarkets in United Kingdom (UK) are scrambling to recall sandwiches and salads supplied by Greencore Group amid an E coli outbreak.

The precautionary measure came after authorities linked the products to an E coli outbreak that has thrown a wrench in the works for hundreds of workers across the UK.

Read more: Nigel shaken: Farage’s milkshake mishap!

While we leave the minimum wage workers grumbling and muttering about the sticky, vinyl aisles of supermarkets, cursing the E coli’s existence and the green munchies, we shift our focus to the main culprit of the Great Salad Recall: Greencore!

A food maestro in the tea-sipping, scone-dunking nation, Greencore Group had to – most reluctantly – recall over green 40 products including sandwiches and salads. Picture the crestfallen expressions on shareholders’ faces as they receive a different kind of green back—not the kind that fattens your wallet. Oh no!

The recalls are part of an ongoing effort to dodge the gastrointestinal nuclear wasteland unsuspecting sewage workers would be subjected to if the green munchables were to be consumed.

The affected spread includes a mountain of sandwich stars with names pulled right out of a word scrambler. Asda’s Chicken Salad Sandwich, Boots’ Chicken and Bacon Caesar Wrap, and Co-op’s Vegan Gro Onion Bhaji Sandwich could give Kim Kardashian’s unique baby names a run for their money in bizarre name department.

The head honcho of incidents at the Food Standards Agency (FSA) never thought he would be doing the opposite of making his kids eat their greens – pulling the salad leaf products itself from the sandwiches and the salads.

The Great Salad Recall has sparked a focused effort to trace and trash the affected items from store shelves across the UK. Consumers who’ve bagged any of these goodies are being urged not to munch them down and instead trot back to the store like a trusty steed for a full refund.

And for those still determined to chomp down those delicious, juicy greens brimming with E coli—well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink!

The Stec bacteria, especially those cute hairy but dangerous strains of E coli, can cause some serious fuzzies like bloody diarrhoea, belly aches, and even a touch of the fever. In some cases it can kick off a real doozy in your digestive system.

The health hotshots have been pleading for prudence and proper food safety protocol, including giving fresh produce a good scrub to keep the cooties away. The UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA) is gloved-hands deep in the mystery, using detective work like epidemiological analysis and food-tracing shenanigans to narrow down the likely suspects.

The agency’s keeping its eyes peeled, teaming up with businesses and local bigwigs to make sure they’re on the ball when it comes to public safety.

In the wake of these recalls, retailers and manufacturers have been moving faster than a cat with water thrown at it, yanking the veggie-meat-in-bread goodness off the shelves and jumping through hoops with the regulators to slap on some extra safety measures.

Read more: China zoo’s ‘Panda Dogs’: A furry tale of creativity

Meanwhile the British Retail Consortium (BRC) has been banging the drum for food safety and has promised to back any moves to keep the public safe and sound.